Find A Grave Is Making Grave Mistakes
Posted on June 7th, 2010 by Carol
I’m completely baffled by the FindAGrave site. Last night a lady wouldn’t transfer my father-in-law’s memorial (he is not deceased) to me; and today I asked for a transfer of John Whitmore, my husband’s GG-Grf and Medal of Honor Recipient, and was denied that too. Is there some (monetary?) “award” for people who have the most memorials under their belt? The dates on my FIL’s memorial are wrong and I was going to correct them, as well as add more photos. This woman categorically would not give me the memorial.
I got a nasty email from Find A Grave “Robert” today telling me that I had nabbed the memorial gravestone picture from the site, when it was my husband that took the photo. When I asked the submitter Kent Kooi to transfer John Whitmore to me, he said John had been designated as ‘famous’ and the FAG people wouldn’t let him! Hey, FAG people, you don’t OWN our ancestors!
I was threatened by Robert with being kicked off the site (no, I was NOT rude to them) and made to feel like a criminal. Here’s the kicker. Unknowingly, I added John Whitmore’s info in a memorial last night with correct information on his death date. (The site has it as it appears on the gravestone, which is WRONG and was a mistake done by the Medal of Honor Historical Society when they submitted the info to the VA). Today, they have used my info on the memorial, but told me to (essentially) take a hike.
A couple years ago I added my cousin William Livingston Holmes to the site and said he was “famous” and told them where he was buried. Wm. Holmes was the first sheriff of Clackamas County, Oregon. Wouldn’t you think he was a bit famous? No, they didn’t think so. Someone has their priorities a bit skewed in my humble opinion.
This is a great site, but after these two incidents, I’m having second thoughts about adding more memorials. Has anyone else had any problems like this with Find A Grave? I’ve been a member for 7+ years and this is a new one on me.
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Wow – I’ve never had any problems with the website. I hope these problems get resolved ASAP because FindAGrave is a wonderful website
I’m surprised the admin won’t force the person to transfer your father-in-law’s memorial, that’s within the range of relationship where they are supposed to be required to hand it over.
From the FAQ
Transfer requests should be for direct relatives within four generations, this would be your siblings, parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents. Keep in mind that the original contributor may also be related to the memorial and may not want to make the transfer. You may certainly request the transfer of memorials beyond the four generations, but the original contributor may choose not to transfer (the original contributor should make any corrections and add any addional information you have for that memorial, such as links to parents and spouses).
If the memorial in question is a direct relative (within four generations-siblings, parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents) to you, and the original submitter is not family, then your wishes supersede theirs under our “Family First” policy. If they refuse to transfer your relative to you, contact the administration and we will work on it for you.
Twitter: geneaphile
I, too, am surprised, Carol. I’ve been a contributor for almost ten years and while I have been ignored a couple of times, for the most part I haven’t had a problem getting memorials edited or turned over to me. The most outrageous problem is with the photo. I do hope you will contact the administrators to get things resolved. And do keep us posted! There are many active contributors to Find A Grave among the GB community.
Twitter: webduck
I will kindly ask the admin to transfer my father-in-law to me and see if they will do so. It shouldn’t be a problem if he is directly related.
Kent Kooi, who created the memorial for John Whitmore didn’t say he was a relative, and explained to me in emails that he would transfer the memorial but that once some one is famous the FAG site has control. As long as the information for John is correct, or near correct, there’s no sense me getting in a further snit about it.
As for William Livingston Holmes being ‘famous’, it seems funny to me that they wouldn’t give him his due since he was on the original OR trail in 1843, was the first sheriff, and the county at the time covered parts of WA and OR. He might not be as famous to this generation, but he is in history.
I love the Find A Grave site too, and it is very disappointing to have these things happening. If they could happen to me, they could happen to many others. That is most likely not the purpose of the site.
Thank you all for leaving your comments and viewpoints.
I am so sorry to hear that. I am always willing to add information from people or transfer ownership it they closely related.
What a shame. I’ve always thought it was a great place.
I do always wonder who decides whose “famous” or not.
Twitter: webduck
The latest on the issue of my father-in-law’s memorial is that I contacted “Katrina” at FAG and asked how we could solve the problem so all parties are happy. She transferred the memorial to me, and kept the creator the same person who was snippy with me. That was fine with me, but we have quite a few people in that cemetery with other surnames than Wilkerson, and this same lady did the creation of many of them. I doubt she will give any more to me, but I’m worried that she won’t even add info for me either. It makes me feel like I don’t even want to try.
So, “famous” people are the property of FAG? Who decides if they are famous?
Seems like an odd rule, and I’m wondering what the reasoning behind it is.
Twitter: webduck
I’m not sure if it was my questions or not, but there is a new thread in Famous Bios in the forums with a link to a page called Famous Bio Guidelines. That link isn’t new, but they are addressing the topic of “upgrading” bios to famous from un-famous.
Carol, Wow ….that’s so very hard to believe that someone would behave that way. I have only been a member about 3 months but love the site. I have done about 60 memorials for the cemetery where my parents are buried, I consider this an honor. I would also consider it an honor to transfer that memorial to a member of their family. What you describe is an outrage and I hope you do contact the admin of F-A-G to get the problem taken care of. SHAME ON THAT PERSON that denied you transfer.
James
Hi. I am having the same problem. I ask for transfers and
then the person adds family link information and never answers
my e-mail. I have one lady who put in a relative of mine in
one cemetery when she is buried in another with a headstone to
prove it but she won’t change hers because it came from the DAR. Humans can make mistakes, even DAR members.
If you’re not family and family contacts you, you should
transfer it no matter how many generations. It’s not your
family. The family still owns the grave. Graves are inheritable.
Cemeteries have to change the ownership to anyone who can
prove direct lineage. I’ve done it. You pay a transfer fee. Someone else shouldn’t have the right to control the representation of your family’s grave.
What if you’re a sabatour? You could photograph a whole cemetery and screw it all up on purpose.
Sean
Findagrave is a wonderful website. The problem comes in when people get the gimmie all my ancestors grabbies. You do not need your ancestors memorial transfered to get information added. Use the SAC (Suggest a Correction) link in the edit tab and ask for it to be added. If for some reason the info is not added/corrected then go to the FAQ and read them. They are a great resource and give you many other options as to how to proceed. Also, your understanding of transferring direct ancestors is a little incorrect. A father in law is not your direct ancestor. Again the FAQ clarifies all the issues that are mentioned here. Read the FAQ for help. Also remember that FAG’s purpose is a grave registration website. Not a genealogy website. A memorial has met the requirements for FAG if just what is on the headstone is listed. Anything else is gravy. Unrealistic expectations create most of the issues on FAG.
Twitter: webduck
Wendy, I didn’t get the “gimme all my ancestors grabbies”, and contrary to your opinion, my father-in-law is a closer relative to me than to the woman who wouldn’t (she did, eventually) give his burial info to me, which would be NONE. If you read all of the comments you would see I made more that constituted follow-ups.
I think your remarks were a bit rude, but it’s your opinion and serves to show a different point of view. BTW, the reason the woman wouldn’t transfer my FIL’s burial info to me was because she gets something out of it (notoriety), unlike myself who just wanted to get the records correct. Let’s all be civil on here, OK?
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I just did a similar blog post! I was so upset that someone out right refused to transfer a family member to me. In fact she has 1 grave from a family plot. I have every other family member and she said no. I think some are in it more for the numbers than to help out because she also had the wrong information in there.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who has had the same issues
Twitter: webduck
It’s a shame that we have to ‘fight’ to have our information correct on the FAG site. If you look at some of the other comments, some of them actually accuse me of being in the wrong. Sorry, but in this instance I disagree. I can be wrong, and admit it, but the people who try to berate me for wanting to get the facts straight just irritate me no end. And, sometimes they don’t even have the guts to give their real name or a link. Chickens!
What if there wasn’t a transfer option at all? It seems to me the site would run so much smoother if you only submitted corrections or additional info.
One of Find A Graves’ problems is that they don’t stand behind their own transfer guidelines. They say one thing and do another. People that have actually gone out to cemeteries and made memorial pages have had many of these memorials taken away from them. This removes the original contributors editing rights to something they took the time to do in the first place.
What if the contributor did additional research? And please, let me clarify, I’m not talking about being an “armchair genealogist”, searching all over the web for stuff to add that has been online for years. I’m talking about library research. All that is basically “stolen” from them and handed over to someone else, for them to do with as they please. Why would anyone want to continue on if their work is just taken away, and/or in the worst case scenario, deleted. Seems like there is some Obamanism happening here.
Contributors that once enjoyed visiting cemeteries and taking headstone photos are now burdened with a vast amount of emails from people wanting transfers. Why would FAG want to piss off the worker bees with all that?
I can respect others finding and photographing a headstone, maybe even finding some additional information to add to a bio, BUT, I don’t have to have possession of the memorial. I’m grateful someone took the time to visit the cemetery , record their burial, and honor them with a memorial page. The quibbling over memorials is out of hand and ridiculous.
From what I see the mourning loved ones have no rights on Find a Grave. I decided to join Find a Grave after my mother died because I was interested in preserving her memory. What I discovered was that a stranger posted a memorial for her before she even died. She had her headstone up in advance. There wasn’t a death date but that didn’t stop them. They just put “????” for the death date. I was furious, but all I saw all over their forums was disdain for the mourning loved ones left behind. Gravers would say that THEY were the ones preserving their memories so they wouldn’t be forgotten. Then the gravers became possessive and would refuse to give mourning survivors control over their loved ones memorials. I find it all very … ummmm, “emotionally unstable.” I believe there should be a rule that newer gravestones should be left alone. Give mourners a time to heal. And for GOD’S sake, DON’T poster a memorial for a living stranger.
Exelent,thank you for sharing such an informative post. I have been following your blog for a while now and enjoy the quality of your posts. It makes me want to start blogging myself. Do you have any tips for someone fairly new to the blogging world?
My experince has become a night mare. I was a contrbuter for over two years with over 1000 memorials. They were all related to me. I did my husbands side, my parents etc. All of mine have been deleted with no reason. All gone. So, I am no longer there.
None of mine were sponsered and I wonder if that could have been part of it
I have been looking around for another site like it but haven’t found one
Carol, Thanks for this thread. I just had my first bad experience, asking for a transfer of my 3rd great-grandmother. The reply was very rude, even though I asked in a nice way. In the past, others would transfer with no problem. This person had done over 1000 burials in a cemetery, with litttle or no linking to childfren or parents and little or no photos, just names and dates. I uploaded a photo to the page and wanted to link her to other generations in the same cemetery, as well as provide a bio. I can see their point on transfers, but there is never a need to be so rude. It undermines the whole purpose of the site. I don’t think it should be a race or a power game as to how many memorials a person can post.
Thanks Carol for letting me get this off my chest.
Twitter: webduck
The worst part of all these problems with FAG contributors is that FAG itself doesn’t protect the families. Is it more important to them to have the volume of burial records over the information for each one being correct? At first, when I made this post, I had some reluctance to criticize the site, but from all of the comments on this post, it is far larger than just my difficulties. I’m sorry for everyone who is also having problems with FAG. How can we change things in a non-confrontational way??
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